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Joke of the Day

"Sir, the children at the petting zoo are unhappy. They think our animals are lame *stares off into distance* We're gonna need a bigger goat"

"Why does Donald Trump take anti-anxiety pills? To prevent Hispanic attacks"

"*police sirens* *Dad bursts into my room wearing a panda suit* QUICK HIDE THESE NO TIME TO EXPLAIN *throws a litter of panda cubs at me*"

"I am a perfect role model... ...for someone who takes ""how much can you fuck up your life?"" As an actual challenge."

"Two flies were dining on a turd.... One fly lifts up his leg and farts. The other fly says , "" Hey! I'm trying to eat over here!!!"""

"I was going to tell the joke about the scarecrow... but I think it has already been posted."

"Have you guys tried McDonald's new Premium McWrap? So much better than the Budget McWrap, which is a dead mouse in a cabbage leaf."

"My friend has already lost 50 pounds last month on their new diet. It's called the ""fruit machine"" , I think I will have to try it."

"How can you tell if someone's a redditor,in real life? Ask them if they're on reddit. I'm sorry."

"What did one dehydrated French guy say to the other? What do we do now, Pierre?"