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Joke of the Day

"new instagram notification - Girl Who Actually Secretly Hates You Commented 'omg literally why are u so perfect'' On Your Photo!"

"I for one... ... love Roman numerals."

"What do Germans and acetone have in common? They are both good at removing the Polish!"

"My girlfriend is a pornstar Shes gunna kill me when she finds out."

"Why does Beyonce say ""to the left, to the left"" Because black people have no rights."

"What did the Zucchini say when it got stepped on? *squash*"

"So I heard the Brits have a new dating app It's called Kinder."

"Why were the burgers in the refrigerator embarrassed? They saw the salad dressing!"

"People with guns, asking for your money... ...You've got to hand it to them."

"[meeting with boss] ""I need you to go back and fix something that broke yesterday."" ""I DON'T EVEN HAVE A TIME MACHINE!"""