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Joke of the Day

"Well doctor, my problem is basically this: when it snows, my eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen."

"What type of lights were on Noah's Ark? You'd think it would be floodlights, but in reality it was the Israelites!"

"I'm more afraid of the shitty music my family is going to play at my funeral than I am of dying."

"My superpower is destroying the neighbors living room from 100 yards with nothing but her cat and my laser pointer."

"A boob job sounds like the best job in the world."

"""Hey, Dad? Why don't you ever tell me you love me?"" the dad looks at his son, smiles, and says, ""You love me."""

"How do footballers send messages? By referee-mail."

"TIFU by sitting next to a really hot Thai chick on the bus home today and kept thinking, ""Don't get an erection, don't don't don't..."" But she did."

"I've just heard that Harrison Ford crashed his plane onto a golf course Apparently he was just dropping in for a Short Round"

"I came up with a shoe company that specializes in selling oversize shoes Which is no small feat"