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Joke of the Day

"The American flag Red with blood Blue with tears White with privilege"

"[Supermarket] Me: QUICK, WHERE IS YOUR FROZEN SECTION Assistant: Aisle 7 Me: GREAT [opens trench coat and 6 penguins fall out] let's go guys"

"I really dislike my CW, so everyday I steal a Kleenex from her desk. In about 500 days, she's gonna be pissed."

"I'm not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I'm forgetting to do."

"I tried to teach my grandma how to eat noodles with chopsticks She accidentally made a sweater."

"I know this guy who prematurely ejaculates and he just comes out of no where..."

"My friends keep telling me I'm too indecisive And I'm not sure how I feel about it."

"Male Feminists That's it. That's... that's the joke."

"Going to attempt a Mexican joke. Hope it's a good Juan!"

"I think it would be totes adorbz if I throat punched you the next time you say 'totes adorbz'"