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Joke of the Day

"Going to attempt a Mexican joke. Hope it's a good Juan!"

"If I ever get a llama, I'm totally naming it Dalai."

"Why doesn't Smokey the Bear have sex with his wife? Because whenever She gets hot, he hits her with a shovel."

"You know, my dream for gaming is where in one game you'll shoot someone and then during a game of say Fifa you'll see their son crying"

"How many unemployed actors does it take to change a light bulb? 100. One to change it and 99 to stand around and say, ""Hey, I could've done that!"""

"What do you call a blonde on a college campus? A visitor"

"I don't play fantasy football, but I do play fantasy friendship. This week I'm starting Taylor Swift and Conan O'Brien."

"If a woman is cold as a fish, a man has to be as patient as a fisherman."

"When life gets you down, remember the immortal words of Monty Python. NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!"

"*wife phones* ""Hi!"" ""Hi! Did you clean the house?"" ""Uhh...YUP!"" ""OK, I'm coming home. Need anything?"" ""Yes, about 2 hours."""