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Joke of the Day

"I know this guy who prematurely ejaculates and he just comes out of no where..."

"Why do you always see Santa with a full sack? Because he only comes once a year!"

"Help please I don't get this?// https://www.imageshack.us/i/pmqPA0DIj"

"I encountered an eagle with an identity crisis. He's watching me like a hawk."

"Why did the restaurant on the moon fail? They barely had any atmosphere."

"Wife: Go out for breakfast? Me: Sure! Wife: Ok, let me shower first. *showers, dresses & puts on makeup* Me: Where should we have lunch?"

"When women go to the restroom together that's so you can make out, right?"

"some tweets get big favs but no RTs. why? [camera pans to dog in lab coat high up on a distant ledge. we're too far away to hear his answer]"

"So what if I don't have a perfect body?! I'm way better off than I was when I started. Ya know, a baby that used to shit his pants. I do that way less now."

"Talk to your kids about drugs. Learn which drugs are cool rn. You don't wanna be a nerd parent"