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Joke of the Day

"Messi carrying Argentina. Neymar carrying Brazil. British Airways carrying England"

"Money cant buy happiness . . . but somehow, its more comfortable to cry in a BMW than on a bicycle."

"My friend got hit with a soda can Don't worry, it was a *soft* drink! "

"NALA: Why can't you be the king I know? The king you have inside you? SIMBA: That doesn't make sense. I think I'd remember if I ate a king."

"Did you hear? Tony Romo tried committing suicide after yesterday's game... But the bullet was intercepted."

"A son asks his dad: ""Do you remember your first blowjob?"" - The father answers: ""Yes, son!"" The boy asks: ""How did it taste?"""

"I don't know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I fucking guarantee you they'd post pictures of them doing it on Facebook."

"How do you get to the top of a weather beacon? Climate"

"The American Dental Association recently awarded their ""Dentist of the Year"" award once again. But all it is is a little plaque."

"[first date] HER: You smell so good. What are you wearing? ME: *nodding and sniffing myself* Mashed potatoes with gravy."