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Joke of the Day

"in canada if you pat your pockets to show a hobo that you have no change and he hears your keys jingle, you have to give him your house."

"What do you call it when Bob Dylan sucks your dick in a hurricane? The answer my friend... is blowing in the wind. The answer is blowing in the wind."

"I've completely cocooned myself in this blanket, and I'm not coming out until I'm a fully functional adult or a butterfly."

"Why was the racehorse named Bad News? Because bad news travels fast!"

"What is the difference between an anal thermometer and an oral thermometer? The taste!"

"A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage ""No, I'm travelling light"" \[]/"

"""I'd tap that."" ~tap dancer, about a song he really likes"

"Officer: have you been drinking? Me: no sir 0: you were swerving M: Twitter O: oh, I'm on Twitter what's your handle M: yes, I was drinking"

"When I'm bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus."

"Did you hear about the water that got so angry that he boiled himself? He just had to let off some steam."