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Joke of the Day

"Officer: have you been drinking? Me: no sir 0: you were swerving M: Twitter O: oh, I'm on Twitter what's your handle M: yes, I was drinking"

"Why did the Nevada skunk cross the state border? To follow the smell of legal dank skunk buds."

"How to elephants talk to each other ? By 'elephone !"

"My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex... ...but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia."

"Why did the skeleton go to the movies alone? He didn't have any body to go with him."

"What's the difference between drunk people and black people? Drunk people are found **IN** bars. Black people are found **BEHIND** them."

"I'm not lazy... I'm just on my energy saving mode."

"Tofu is really overrated It's just a curd to me."

"GOD: Go forth, my tiny friends! ANTS: Hooray! ANGEL: Ok next creation ... The anteater. ANTS: The what now?"

"Ellen Pao walked into a bar The bar bent. Bartender served her 3 sets of jumbo meals. Bartender had to repair the door."