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Joke of the Day

"Lil' Wayne looks pretty good for a scarecrow that is being eaten from the inside out by bats."

"Friend: ""Omg, your parents are so nice!"" ... You: ""It's because you`re here.."""

"Daughter: Daddy, why do you have to go to work everyday? Me: Do you like clothes? Daughter: Not really Me: Shut up"

"My New Year's Resolution is to lose 10 pounds Only 13 more to go"

"Do you ever wake up. Kiss the person beside you, and just be thankful to be alive. I did. Not really appreciated on flights apparently"

"My grandpa died peacefully in his sleep I can't speak for everyone else in his car though"

"If Spider Man eats too much fruit he squirts Silly String."

"A tourist asks a man in uniform ""Are you a policeman?"" ""No I am an undercover detective."" ""So why are you in uniform?"" ""Today is my day off."""

"Professional wrestler name: Office Max. Signature move: Three Hole Punch."

"Last night I tried to go out for an Italian Meal, but there was a huge, fat woman standing in the doorway. I couldn't get pasta."