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Joke of the Day

"Why did the chicken cross the road? He was trying to draw the zoophile into traffic. Thanks /u/LFBR for the premise."

"Speed dating, but instead of talking, you just exchange phones for 3 minutes and try to glean as much information from them as you can."

"Noah in a pet shop ""Two of every animal please"" ""Want any unusual examples?"" ""No, just arky-types"""

"Hey guys quick question, can you put a pin back in a grenade? Gonna need a fast answer for this one..."

"What is Michelle Obama's favorite dish to cook? Baracolli"

"How much do dead batteries cost? Nothing. They are free of charge!"

"I wish I were as attractive to women as I am to mosquitoes."

"""Bacon gives you cancer"" is the 2015 version of ""touching yourself causes blindness."""

"Found a bag of weed in my son's bedroom, absolutely horrified! The thing was practically all stems and seeds."

"Knock knock Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave breaking down into an emotional wreck and mess of tears at the realisation that the Alzheimer's has finally taken hold."