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Joke of the Day

"My ex-girlfriend was a slut. She bust more nuts than a pistachio junkie. edit: Going through a potential breakup, so if you see this, this isnt about you, babe. Dont leave me, please."

"My wife got angry when I said ""Samsung""... Apparently that was the wrong answer to: ""What oven should I buy to match my cooking style?"""

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean."

"I'm in that fun part of a relationship where everything is new and exciting and we are learning things about each other and I don't poop."

"A termite walks into a bar and asks... ... Where's the bar tender?"

"A blind man Walks into a bar A table and a chair"

"What do a homeless woman and an American football player have in common? They both take their pads off after four periods"

"My father always had affectionate nicknames for my older sister and me She was *oops*, and I was *oh shit*"

"I'm not fat Just short for my weight"

"So Amazon has a new drone delivery service... It's called ""UPS deliverymen."""