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Joke of the Day

"My wife got angry when I said ""Samsung""... Apparently that was the wrong answer to: ""What oven should I buy to match my cooking style?"""

"What's the difference between swine flu and bird flu? For swine flu, you use oink-ment and for bird flu, you get tweet-ment."

"[ouija board] me: are there any spirits with us? Speak now ouija board: H E L L O F R O M T H E O T H E R S I D E me: ....please stop"

"What does an amoeba call its friend? Cell mate."

"I would tell a broken pencil joke.. But there's no point."

"How are dogs and addicts similar? They both have PAWS"

"WHAT OTHER ILLNESSES DO I HAVE?! I told my doctor I think I'm a hypochondriac. As usual, the medicine he gave me isn't working."

"How many Freudian Analysts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2. One to screw it in and the other to hold the penis---ladder!! I meant ladder..."

"What did the dragon say as he entered the party? Hey, how are you *Alduin*?"

"My son has a play-date today & the mom said to dress him in holiday colors so he's in all black & I'm telling her we worship the dark lord."