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Joke of the Day

"How much toilet paper do people use on a daily basis? A shit ton."

"I don't understand why people are so upset about Harambe I mean, gorillas get shot by white cops all the time."

"*gets laser eye surgery* ""Thanks doc, so how do I activate them?"" I told you, that's not what *i squint at him real hard but he's right*"

"What I Say To 7: ""This is just between us"" What 7 Hears: ""Tell Mom everything and please embellish it to make it sound 100 times worse"""

"Why did the skeleton leave the party? Because everyone was calling him a bone-head. (I was 6 when I came up with that)."

"Why did the Jedi kill his master? To get to the other side."

"Cute Internet Girl: This guy is pretty funny, I think I'll fol- Me: *Human Cannonballs my way into her living room* HELLO!"

"Why is an elephant braver than a hen ? Because the elephant isn't chicken !"

"Can I ask you two questions? Ok, what's the second one?"

"Why is call of duty infinite warfare set in space? Because nobody liked it on earth."