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Joke of the Day

"I've started a new religion based on the consumption of high-percentage alcohol. Its only downside is that I now miss a lot of work due to hangovers It's called absinthe-theism."

"Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It's so fun to watch them freak out!"

"Who has 2 thumbs and had an accident in shop class? Not me!"

"Why can't Rabbit tell Winnie the Pooh to stop eating honey on Tumblr? Because he may get Tiggered"

"I just saw an ad for a bulletproof briefcase. The real question is: why does your briefcase have so many enemies?"

"You can't tell me I neglect my children. Nobody else knows where they are either."

"How do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not going to come."

"Did you hear about that glacier off the coast of Italy? It was a Romaine Iceberg"

"*Makes joke on Twitter* *5 Retweets* *Makes same joke on Facebook* *5 comments from aunts saying that the joke was inappropriate*"

"Why did the dinosaur walk on two legs? To give the ants a chance."