137885

Joke of the Day

"Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It's so fun to watch them freak out!"

"I avoid making eye contact like my loneliness depends on it."

"My wife said she has had enough of me because I always get my directions mixed up... So I just packed my bags and right..."

"Why can't you wear shorts in the Ukraine? Chernobyl fallout..."

"3 biggest women lies :) 1. I will not change after marriage. 2. I forgive you. --- EDIT: 2. It's fine. I forgive you. 3. I am going shopping. I will be back in 30 minutes."

"If you don't like being a door mat....then get off the floor"

"A young boy asks his Jewish father for $40... The father replies, ""40 dollars?! What do you need 20 dollars for? Here's $10"" gives him a 5, ""now go split it with your brother."""

"I identify as a sexual atheist With a strong belief that I will never get laid."

"I understand the beautiful part, Cover Girl. But isn't ""easy breezy"" just another way to say ""slutty and flatulent?"""

"I asked my girlfriend to get me a newspaper... She said, ""Nobody uses newspapers anymore use my iPad"" and she was right, that spider died in one swing!"