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Joke of the Day

"I just saw an ad for a bulletproof briefcase. The real question is: why does your briefcase have so many enemies?"

"Tip Of the Day: You can easily avoid bruising your thigh by not staring at a female jogger and then walking into a fire hydrant."

"The worst part about a prostate exam... is getting an erection in the middle of the exam and then them finding out you're not even a doctor."

"A farmer filled his truck with onions, but he crashed on the interstate. All his onions were smushed and ruined. The farmer was on the brink of crying."

"I went into a book shop and asked for a book about turtles ""Hardback"" said the woman behind the counter ""Yes"" I replied, ""and small heads"""

"""I love all quilts, regardless of quality."" - blanket statement"

"mom. Mom i'm going to get married. whom then. Jane form the next door. oho god.. you sure? where you going to live? Mom. Jane is Emo she doesnt want to live."

"Protein in my laundry If you captured it all you'd be able to fuel a Chi Psi chapter right before a lacrosse tournament."

"What's the difference between a teacher and a conductor on the railroad? One trains the mind the other minds the train."

"What do you call a pickle that draws? A dillustrator."