23914

Joke of the Day

"I cropped my kids out of my online dating profile photos. They can find their own dates."

"Me: I don't know how to dance to this kind of music Beer: yes you do"

"You see, son, when two girls love each other very much and they have a cup..."

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his coffee before it was cool."

"Officer: Did u know your back light is out Me: I don't know if you noticed... I'm inside the car. You had a bit of an advantage"

"A lot of times you put up a tweet and at first it doesn't seem like it's going to do very well and then BOOM: you make 1 million dollars"

"So I hear Trump wants to ban shredded cheese. Says he's going to make America grate again."

"I'll stab someone if they hurt my kids. Or touch my nachos."

"I'm great at drinking and driving but I would never do them at the same time."

"When you say ""liar liar pants on fire,"" it makes you a liar too. Their pants probably aren't on fire"