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Joke of the Day

"A woman is complaining to her neighbor: - My husband is 300% impotent. - A few days ago you told me 100%, not 300%. - Well, yesterday he fell down the stairs, broke his finger and bit his tongue."

"3 Elephants jump out of a plane, the first two hit land and the last one hits water. What sound did they make? Bum-bum tssh!"

"Me to 2yo: Hey bud, what are you having for breakfast? Sausage? Eggs? Hash browns? Oh... 8 forkfulls of ketchup? Good job!"

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It may take me a while to get hard, I got laid last night."

"Pot smokers like to say it's safe because it's natural. Other safe natural things include sunburn, poison ivy, and being eaten by a bear."

"They've finally renamed my gym ""Skinny Guys with Giant Headphones Loudly Dropping Small Weights."""

"how would u like your steak sir? we've got rare, ultra rare, legendary, fossil, or u can try and catch your own steak in the safari zone"

"Margaret Thatcher Said ""If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman."" If you want nothing said or done.. Ask a cat."

"What's the best thing about doing 23 year olds!? There's 20 of them."

"When I get a dog I'm going to name it syndrome"