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Joke of the Day

"Margaret Thatcher Said ""If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman."" If you want nothing said or done.. Ask a cat."

"On Fred's 17th birthday his Dad said he'd take him out for his first driving lesson. As they got in the car the father said ""Just one thing Fred. If you're going to hit anything make sure it's cheap."""

"Did anyone hear how Ellen Degeneres died? She drowned, they found her face down in Ricki Lake"

"I hurt my shoulder and doctor told me i shouldn't lift anything heavy. So i'm forced to sit down when i pee."

"Most people in horror movies would still be alive, if only those idiots had listened to the audience."

"I use head&shoulders Me: I use head&shoulders frequently Friend: But you dont have dandroof? Me: Exactly!"

"Guy in orchestra was charged with manslaughter Police state that he had a history of reckless violins."

"Stages of inebriation: Sociable, fun, hilarious, inappropriate, bitter, sad, need new pants, need new friends."

"I don't think gymnasts know how clearly we can see their genitals"

"Doctor: ""Your x-ray showed a broken rib... ... but we fixed it with Photoshop."""