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Joke of the Day

"People who wait 3 hours to respond to a text ""LOL"" should be punched in the neck. Your not fooling anybody. You weren't LOLing that long."

"If it wasn't for the random passerby with the horrific deformity, I wouldn't know nearly as much about what the top of my shoes looked like."

"Q: How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet."

"Someone tried to touch my ass without my permission. Safe to say, I'm not letting anyone on my farm again."

"A man and his zebra There lives a man and his zebra Jose. Jose is hard of sight. Every morning, just at dawn, the man takes out Jose and askes him ""Jose, can you see by the dawn's early light?"""

"My ex-wife says I have 2 brains. One is a penis... ...and apparently, the other's an asshole."

"Simon: I wrote a song Garfunkel: *reads lyrics* Garfunkel: ""I am a rock. I am an island"" dude I'm like right here. I thought we were friends"

"What did the underweight onion say to the garlic? No more light bulb jokes!"

"For the first time ever I find Hillary relatable. I'm not president either."

"Why don't black people get on cruise ships? They're not falling for that again."