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Joke of the Day

"If it wasn't for the random passerby with the horrific deformity, I wouldn't know nearly as much about what the top of my shoes looked like."

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"[God creating cheesecake] GOD: [stuffing his face] oh man this is so good ANGEL: shouldn't u share it? GOD: [creates lactose intolerance]"
"Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined ""victim"" as ""one who has encountered Chuck Norris"""
"Since getting the new iPhone with fingerprint unlock technology I've never worried so much about losing my thumb."
"What do you call noodles that aren't spaghetti? Impastas"
"Started playing with the self-retracting cord on my vacuum to find out how much weight it can pull; long story short, I'm Batman now."
"What do you call a camel in a car? A camel auto!"
"They say nice guys finish last.. But isn't that what most women prefer?"
"How do you think the unthinkable? With an ithberg"
"Why did the emoji fly to Syria? It wanted to become an Emojihad!"