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Joke of the Day

"If it wasn't for the random passerby with the horrific deformity, I wouldn't know nearly as much about what the top of my shoes looked like."

"I live at the top of an 80 story building made of ihop pancakes and I pour burning hot maple syrup on anyone that tries to eat my home"

"Why are chemists always a part of the problem? Because they can never be a part of the solution."

"What language do the Vatican Police speak? Pig Latin!"

"I've just invented a perfume made from holy water Eau my God"

"Before you take advice from me... you should know I walk around my house in my underwear while complaining about being cold."

"How do you make a woman orgasm? Who gives a fuck"

"Hillary should make Bernie the ambassador to Japan. His knowledge of harpooning whales will definitely help bridge the cultural divide."

"I don't hate you, but if you we're drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck."

"What's better than having sex with a 9 year old Vietnamese boy? Nothing."