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Joke of the Day

"My ex-wife says I have 2 brains. One is a penis... ...and apparently, the other's an asshole."

"I didn't ask for a sweet roll? Oh, sorry, I thought you had said, ""synonym bun""."

"How many kids does Adrian Peterson have? More than you can shake a stick at"

"I asked my boss... I asked my boss what he wanted me to do with a large roll of bubble wrap. He told me to pop it in the corner. It took me over three hours!"

"Yesterday I was just a dude in a hoody whispering Black Sabbath lyrics to a goat. Today, I am the leader of a petting zoo cult."

"So a frog parked his car in a ""no parking"" zone..... His ride got toad away."

"""Honey, why are there broken condoms on the backyard?"" And that's when his wife replied shouting: ""I ALREADY TOLD YOU TO STOP CALLING THE KIDS THAT!"""

"Where do you get 'Extra Virgin' olive oil? Really ugly olives."

"It would be a disaster if Hillary Clinton were elected president I mean who would entrust our nukes to a woman on a period?"

"My dog's name is Karma... ....because Karma is a Bitch!"