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Joke of the Day

"Pregnancy tests in movies are so weird... She hands him the test and he stands there holding this stick of pee like it isn't a stick of pee"

"What's black and blue and doesn't like sex? The cheerleader in my trunk."

"What hand do you wipe with? Answer: left or right Response: why not use toilet paper?"

"This years Olympics in Rio is going to be one of the most steady and relaxing Games in history No one will be Russian."

"How does a 49er fan change a light bulb? He doesn't he just talks about how great it use to be"

"There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary, and those who don't"

"They say what kills you in your past life is your biggest fear in this life.. But I'm pretty sure premature ejaculation never killed anyone"

"Why was the programmer's code incomprehensible? No comment."

"People say I am condescending. THAT MEANS I TALK DOWN TO PEOPLE."

"Holy crap! I forgot to have coffee today! What else did I forget? WHERE IS MY BABY?!? Wait, do I have one of those? DO I HAVE A BABY?!?"