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Joke of the Day

"Holy crap! I forgot to have coffee today! What else did I forget? WHERE IS MY BABY?!? Wait, do I have one of those? DO I HAVE A BABY?!?"

"Whats the difference between a Greyhound bus station and a Lobster with a breast implant? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean ;)"

"TIL there is a nerve that runs from the tear duct to the anus. If you don't believe me, let me pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye."

"Oral B is sponsoring tonight's NASCAR race. That seems like an odd choice for a sponsorship, considering most NASCAR fans don't even have teeth."

"What's the difference between a four-year-old and a bag of cocaine? There's no way Eric Clapton would let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window!"

"What do you get when you mix laxatives with holy water? A religious movement."

"It's already the second week of January and I'm still writing 1983 on my checks."

"Red sea. Dolphins for some reason can't stop vacationing in Japan. Seriously, who told them that the coast was to die for."

"long-term plan is to let my debt build into the millions and when I die have a golden tombstone that says COME COLLECT IT IN HELL, TAX MAN"

"I said 'no' to drugs But I don't think they're listening"