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Joke of the Day

"My neighbor won't give me a straightforward answer, he's always beating around the bush. Every time I ask why he just says ""fuck you Gerald, it's my bush and I'll masturbate here if I want to"""

"*Adding family on Facebook* Before: Fuck bitches, smoke, drink! After: I helped an old lady cross the street."

"To tell the difference between African and Indian elephants you have to look at their ears. You lift one up and shout ""Where are you from?"""

"an irish man left the bar...... no, really, it happened......"

"Whats the best part about sleeping with a midget? You're sure to get a little head"

"Dear future self, No, you weren't robbed. You left your house like this. Sincerely, You, you dumb slob."

"""You won't like me when I take my estrogen pill."" -Bruce Jenner"

"What's the difference between and egg and a wank? You can beat a an egg but you can't beat a wank."

"I love long romantic walks to the fridge. That's how I maintain my curves "

"Why can't a dog clap in the middle of a movie? Because it keeps hitting pause."