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Joke of the Day

"When I punish my future kids I wont just take their phone I'm gonna be them on social media & just comment ""nice"" on everyones old pool pics"

"My friend got hit with a soda can Don't worry, it was a *soft* drink! "

"My grandpa's a total perv My mom told me he had a stroke at my sisters dance recital!"

"I wish I would have listened to my grandma when she told me one day I'd regret not focusing harder on my hitman career."

"Why do bald-headed men never use keys? Because they've lost their locks."

"I got fired today from my summer job as a massage therapist My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way"

"Why did the baker's hands smell? Because he kneaded a poo."

"What kind of noise annoys an oyster ? A noisy noise annoys an oyster ! (Try saying that fast!)"

"I've just got my own valet and found people treat you completely differently. He's opened a lot of doors for me."

"Knock Knock Fuck Donald Trump"