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Joke of the Day

"I wish I would have listened to my grandma when she told me one day I'd regret not focusing harder on my hitman career."

"My father once told me, ""Son, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, claim it's something your father told you."""

"i bet all the girls say ""i bet you say that to all the girls"" to all the guys."

"Looks like someone is stealing our jokes from r/jokes I was sent this by my roomate, http://www.tickld.com/x/the-25-best-two-line-jokes-ever-14-is-priceless What shall we do reddit?"

"Girl, you must be the SAT... 'cause I want to do you for three hours and forty five minutes with a ten minute break for snacks."

"How much did Harambe drink in the bar? Just a couple of shots"

"How does an elephant hide in the jungle? It paints its balls red and climbs up a cherry tree. What's the loudest noise in the jungle? A giraffe eating cherries."

"How school works: 2+2=4. Homework: 2+4+2=8. Exam: John had 4 apples. He eats one and gives one to a friend. Calculate the Suns mass."

"""evreytime god closes a door, he opens a window"" - me, tryimg to convince my clients their house isnt haunted"

"Abortions are so fun It really brings out the kid in you"