23407

Joke of the Day

"Him: Get on my level. Me: You're a gamer? Him: .... Me: .... Him: You need to get out more. Me: *mumbles* Your face needs to get out more."

"Damn girl, are you a jar of pickles? Because I think I NEED to bang you on my kitchen counter."

"How do you take a Mexican family portrait? Put them in the back of a truck and run a red light."

"When people ask if they can get me anything, I always ask for a jetpack."

"I like my coffee how I like my slaves Free."

"""I have a friend..."" ""I have a friend who watches Japanese anime and likes vandalising Renaissance art with drawing pins."" ""Really?"" ""Yeah, he loves A Tack on Titian!"""

"Just got kicked off a corn forum for saying you can eat the cob. I'll just sign up with a different name. They can't silence the truth."

"Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire? Sure. Here you are. Thanks - but half the pages are missing. What's the matter? Isn't half a million enough for you?"

"""How do you speak with an American accent?"" ""Well, imagine vowels killed your parents, and you're out for revenge."""

"I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 5 billion dollaers???"