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Joke of the Day

"I like my coffee how I like my slaves Free."

"FRIEND: Australia has 9 of the 10 world's deadliest snakes ME: OMG ONE ESCAPED?!"

"On my way to Chicago. Anybody need anything? Hot dog? Deep dish pizza? Bull's Jersey? A lock of Oprah's hair?"

"You'll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace"

"Who sculpted Mount Rushmore? George Washington Carver."

"What did Douglas Adams say after he finished writing the first chapter of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? Ah, I've finally put a dent in that book."

"I bet there would be a lot more wars if there weren't boobs. I haven't seen a boob in 2 days and I'm ready to kill someone."

"In the old days when people knocked on the door, you could hide. Now you have to disconnect from internet and turn off cell phones."

"What's a pirates favorite letter? You think its the R! But its actually the C!"

"A fight or flight situation. Like when you go to pick up your kid and the teacher's walking towards you with ""the look"" on her face."