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Joke of the Day
"Q: How do you drown a blonde? A: When he asks for a lifesaver ask him what flavor he wants."
Next Joke
"my tortoiseshell sunglasses make me see the whole world through the kelvin instagram filter"
"[in ambulance after being shot] can we [coughs blood] stop at Taco Bell? ""Don't be stupid! [turns around while driving] of course we can"""
"What is Donald Trump's favorite type of cheese? White American."
"Never have sex at an Olive Garden. Because when you're there, you're family."
"Inspecting mirrors is a job I could totally see myself doing."
"What do you give a sick bird ? Tweetment !"
"What did the Spanish fireman call his two sons? Jose and Hoseb"
"Just bought the extended version of The Hobbit. Bilbo is 7' 6"" now."
"[God, creating pigeons] Make them pace back and forth like a lawyer."