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Joke of the Day

"Me: Close your eyes. Give me your hand, darling. Can you feel my heart beating? Do you unders... Dr:(removes stethoscope) Really? Everytime?"

"I got into a fight with a baseball player. It wasn't too bad. All I did was strike him three times and he was knocked out."

"What is a UPS worker's favorite cloud service? Dropbox."

"A dan walked into a barr. And Roseanne said watch where you are going!"

"Your password must include 5 minutes of interpretive dance, 15 excerpts from contemporary fiction and 1 word made up by Shakespeare."

"Can't whistle? That's okay! We prefer hummers anyway!"

"Apparently. white is the new black... Just ask the Spokane NAACP"

"I really don't have much of an opinion on alcoholic beverages during the holidays... You could say I'm pretty eggnogstic."

"Like a recovering crack addict, my computer is broken & I can only use others in small doses. A little facebook goes a long way. *twitch*"

"They say I can take the catheter out next week. And no, I'll never piss on an electric fence again"