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Joke of the Day

"When someone reads your message, then never responds, it's just hurtful. I mean, what else could they possibly have going on at 3 AM?"

"How do you tell if a chick's too fat to f*ck? When you pull her pants down and her ass is still in them."

"Me: ""you hang up"" Her: ""no you hang up"" Me: ""no you hang up"" Her: ""no y-"" Jail clerk: ""sir, you only get one phone call."""

"Look , it's either maybe, or maybe not. There's no middle ground."

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? The picture only needs one nail."

"TIFU by sleeping with my Crush Now there's orange soda all over my bed. :("

"If cancer is ever cured it'll probably be because of the people who liked all of the Facebook statuses that are against cancer."

"Did you hear about that rude homeless guy down the street? He made some roofless remarks."

"What's the thing in common between your girlfriend starting the pill and the muisic group Europe? It's the final condom... Ta da da da..."

"My friend's wife asked him, if she died tomorrow, when would he start sleeping with other women? He said, ""about three years ago."""