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Joke of the Day

"""i cnat believe this!"" he yells as his beard of bees turns on him. ""i would expect this from the others but not u"" he says to 1 specific bee"

"What is Joan of Arc's least favorite food? Steak"

"I was at my local home improvement store yesterday And I was looking in the window section. An employee came over and asked if I needed any help, I responded ""No thanks, I'm just window shopping."""

"oh these 2 bleeding dots on my neck? uhhh no i'm not a vampire, some crazy dude stabbed me with 2 pens. hey can you toss me a bloodweiser ;)"

"Seagull joke Q: What do you call a seagull that knows martial arts? A: Steven Seagull"

"So these two blondes walk into a building.. You would have thought one of them would have seen it."

"I told her she has the most beautiful eyes and she started screaming... Apparently she doesn't like to be woken up by total strangers."

"Did you hear about the guy that fell in love with his bag? Turns out he's bi-satchel"

"Hot girls on Twitter: Single and straight: 3% Lesbians: 12% Taken and straight: 15% Men: 70%"

"Chocolate fountains are so 20th century. This is the future. At my wedding we're having a burrito fountain."