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Joke of the Day

"I was at my local home improvement store yesterday And I was looking in the window section. An employee came over and asked if I needed any help, I responded ""No thanks, I'm just window shopping."""

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"PLEASE LEAVE CHRIS BROWN ALONE, in the woods, surrounded by a pack of wolves."
"I saw this dude trying to pick up a girl. Him: I would tell you a joke about about my penis, but its too long. Her: LOL, that's funny. I wanna tell you one about my vagina, but you'll never get it."
"Libra: You wake up fastened to a wooden stake. People in goat masks are dancing around a bonfire. We'll be honest. Things don't look good."
"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with."
"I firmly believe in taking care of one's body... That's why I protect mine in a thick layer of fat."
"There's Angie, and then there's Drunk Angie, and one of us tried to make it to Mexico on an exercise bike."
"Sorry for writing ""I guess u moved on haha"" under that ultrasound photo of your baby."
"The ""Lumos/Nox"" trick on Android phones is pretty neat. However... I'd advise the Galaxy Note 7 crowd to avoid ""Avada Kedavra."""
"I bought these pants 50% off. I guess they're shorts now."