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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear they finally caught the watch thief? It was only a matter of time!"

"If a tree falls down in the woods and nobody is around to hear it... Then hipsters would buy the soundtrack."

"Interviewer: where do ya see yourself in 5yrs Me: going through a Denny's trash bin I: but you might get this job M: haha that's... irrelevant"

"What did the policeman say when the Arabic man escaped from jail? GOTTA CATCH JAMAL"

"What is a priest's favorite candy? Sacramentos"

"I like my women how i like my wine 12 years old and locked up in my basement. sorry i had to"

"It's ironic that my sitcom about Abraham Lincoln was shot in front of a live audience."

"I learned how to yodel -Knock knock. --Who's there? -Yoda lady. --Yoda lady who? -Good job yodeling!"

"maintenance guy at the airport just told me he'd rather look at girls' poop than guys' poop. No more small talk today."

"Excuse me sir, where do you keep the ""Whoomp""? Oh, there it is."