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Joke of the Day

"I just punched what I thought was a paparazzi with a long lens. It was an old man with a wheat bread sub. Sorry."

"What do you call patriotic pubes? A Merkin."

"What difference does an ""A"" make? Between NASA and NSA--it's astronomical."

"When my girlfriend complains about how bad her day was I like to hold her hands Because shes deaf"

"I had really loud unprotected phone sex last week Now I have hearing AIDS."

"Oral sex makes your day but... Anal makes your whole week"

"What's the penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law."

"My friend works at subway... I guess you could say she'll really be rolling in the DOUGH."

"What does a fish say when it hits a concrete wall? Dam."

"Tell her you already got her gift, & ask her to try & guess. Then go buy something she guessed. Shopping made easy."