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Joke of the Day

"What sort of an act do you do? I bend over backwards and pick up a handkerchief with my teeth. Anything else? Then I bend over backwards and pick up my teeth."

"I wasn't dancing. I was trying to connect to the wifi."

"Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again."

"How do mathematicians cure constipation? They work it out with a pencil."

"Horny perverts are going to Brazil in record numbers since the Zika virus broke out because when they have sex they are 100% guaranteed to get a little head too! Original reddit first joke!"

"""You seen my cell phone?...What's it look like? Like two horses fucking. It's a phone, son. It looks like a phone."""

"Apparently it's 'inappropriate' to show up at your therapist's home to swim in her new pool even though your 'boundary issues' paid for it."

"If you jingle my bells, I will promise you a white Christmas."

"I hate it when candidates put signs on your lawn without even asking your permission. Who the hell is 'Foreclosure'?"

"We get about 25 screaming 5 yr old little girls together to scream nonstop at terrorists, BOOM, we win the War on Terror!"