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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when candidates put signs on your lawn without even asking your permission. Who the hell is 'Foreclosure'?"

"Did you hear about the new Canadian pornographic news network? I'll jizz here, eh?"

"Mother Teresa lived to 87. Do you know how much sex she had in all those years? Nun."

"Yeah, I am one of those people who've had milk with whiskey. My mother used to drink a lot post pregnancy."

"Beeped my horn at this cute guy who walked by. He shot me a dirty look. He's playing hard to get, but I've started planning the wedding!"

"The company hates when I helicopter into work. It's always, ""zip up your pants and go see HR now!"""

"[Pastabot 2000 attempts to hand me another bowl of pasta] Jesus christ not now Pastabot"

"How do you fit an elephant in a teacup? You take the f out of way. ~~say it out loud if you don't get it~~"

"what's the difference between oral and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, anal makes your hole weak."

"what do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator"