23029

Joke of the Day

"Bananas will never talk shit about you. Not because they don't have mouths....but because they respect the choices you make."

"My son asked me what humble means. I told him it means pretending you're not better than everybody else."

"What is worse than getting a wrong call at 3 AM in the morning? Getting a right call."

"How many jail guards does it take to change a light bulb? Why does it matter? Everyone knows the prison system can't change anything."

"Some days it's little things, the tone of his voice or his words when we're alone, that help me realize I'd rather have the insurance money."

"How do werewolves mark their territory? Lycanthropee"

"Two reasons i never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone 1)I don't have an iPhone 2)I don't have a girlfriend."

"What do you call children born into a whorehouse? Your kids"

"A sheep, a drum and a snake fall off a cliff... Ba-dum-tss."

"Hey girl, are you a Marxist revolutionary? Cos I'd like you to seize control of my means of production."