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Joke of the Day

"How many jail guards does it take to change a light bulb? Why does it matter? Everyone knows the prison system can't change anything."

"Roses are red, Relationships are rare... BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY ROCKIN' EVERYWHERE!"

"Newt Gingrich's face looks like a fat woman's knee."

"Wondering why Google has a black ribbon today... I think I forgot something."

"""Eat shit and die!"" -- Fly teaching his son about life"

"What did one fly say to the other? 'your man is down'"

"Her: We had the baby! She is 7lbs 3oz, born at 9:08am. We'll be naming her tomorrow. Me: Tomorrow is a terrible name for a baby, tbh."

"Where does Q come before P? In front of a busy urinal."

"Adopt 25 cats and you'll never be alone. Also melt cheese on things. Not the cats though. -me as a therapist"

"I can fake my way through most conversations with my kids if I just look up from my phone every time they stop talking and say ""no."""