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Joke of the Day

"The Five Stages of Christmas Shopping Grief: - denial - anger - strong language - moderate violence - a lifetime ban from Toys R Us"

"How did pinocchio find out that he was made out of wood? His hand caught fire."

"[NSFW] So a guy in Belgium picks up a phone... ""Hey, who is this?"" ""Allah"" ""Allah who?"" ""Allahu akbar."""

"Italian restaurant. I went to my local Italian restaurant last night, but there was a large fat woman standing at the entrance. I couldn't get pasta."

"Wanna know why they burnt down the cvs pharmacy in Baltimore? They stopped selling newports..."

"I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system! It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me."

"What is the difference between Pokemon Go and Tinder? On one app you search your area and find strange creatures, on the other you only find pokemon."

"The 3 words that best describe me are... I'm really bad at counting."

"Ladies, never agree to do an@l, save it for when you do something so bad a blowjob can't fix things."

"I memorize Presidential Candidate speeches And Hillary's is hardest to get down PAC"