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Joke of the Day

"I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system! It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me."

"When I was a kid, I had a lemonade stand. I'd give away the first glass for free and charge $20 for the second. The refill contained the antidote."

"How can you tell an introverted Techie from an extroverted Techie? An extroverted Techie looks at *your* shoes when he's talking to you."

"Oh, so you're a Shania Twain fan, eh? That don't impress me much..."

"A really hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years time. I mean, come on guys, I don't have 20/20 vision."

"Helen Keller walks into a bar And a table, and a chair"

"Sometimes I wake up Grumpy... other times I let her sleep."

"POUR SOME HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP ON ME!!!!"

"Every funeral is open-casket if you've got a crowbar and a sense of adventure."

"[my fitness dvd] ME: *lifting cans of soup as weights* im using minestrone but you can use pretty much any kind"