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Joke of the Day

"[NSFW] So a guy in Belgium picks up a phone... ""Hey, who is this?"" ""Allah"" ""Allah who?"" ""Allahu akbar."""

"Rule: If thou has a Macbook, thou shall always taketh photos of objects with the Macbook in the background."

"[interview] My biggest weakness is that I'm too literal ""That's fine. Your resume looks good, welcome aboard!"" *turns to whiteboard* welcome"

"I don't think it's very professional for my psychologist to say ""holy shit!"" twice during my hour."

"TIL 6.7 billion people are the minority By arrogant ignorant Americans."

"Why was the redneck on his Iphone at his sister's funeral...? He was changing his relationship status to single. Dahurpy durp Dahurpy Durp Da dUrpy durp."

"What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory? Two test tickles."

"I told my boss 3 companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my present job. He asked which 3 were interested. I said the gas, electric and cable."

"What's white, black, and red all over? A race war."

"Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce? Because he thought his wife was a flake."