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Joke of the Day

"I was in McDonald's today.. I smiled at the bloke and said ""Can I have a small shake please?"" ""Fuck off"" came the reply as he quickly zipped his up jeans and walked away from the urinal."

"Nigel Farage gets his girlfriend pregnant.. Soon after the pregnancy test arrived as positive, he says ""My fatherhood ambition has been achieved. I want my life back"""

"SCIENTIST: it's both man and machine ME: what's it called? S: I call it a cyborg M: I would have went with manchine S: *crushes test tube*"

"Told my pregnant boss this: Is it OK for you to drink while pregnant... if you're gonna give the baby up for adoption? She laughed at least. But I no longer work there"

"What can save Russian Bear Snow den."

"I don't discriminate among size guys. Personally my favorite is 3 inches and goes by the name visa, mc, or amex."

"We were so much better at drinking and driving in the 80aTMs. You kids today really fucked it up."

"Q: What do you call four matadors in quicksand? A: Quatro sinko."

"A zero and an eight are walking in a desert... and the zero asks the eight ""aren't you too hot with that belt on?"""

"Q. How do you confuse a blonde? A. Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner."