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Joke of the Day
"""OH MY SWEET GOD BE CAREFUL. OH- OH MY DEAr LORD GOD. HOW? HOW??"" -me watching gymnastics"
Next Joke
"Why didn't Russia return the NSA whistleblower to the United States? He was Snowden."
"TIFU by eating my boss' sandwich and getting fired. Oops. Wrong sub."
"Whenever my dachshund acts up I show him a pack of hotdogs in my fridge and he falls right back into line"
"An atheistic dyslexic... Believes there is no Dog."
"Wife: He's your son! Me: So you say! But I don't... *Kid dances across the room to the Benny Hill theme song* Me: ...ok fine he's my son."
"We don't lose friends, we just learn who our real ones are."
"Where's Finnick? Odair he is! Obligatory: My brother told this to me while watching Mockingjay P2."
"How do you get an anorexic to gain 25 pounds? Marry her."
"Bush Senior broke his neck He was trying to show Jeb Bush how to dodge wrenches, hey Jeb if George can dog a shoe then I can dog wrench!"