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Joke of the Day

"Whenever my dachshund acts up I show him a pack of hotdogs in my fridge and he falls right back into line"

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"Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback!!"
"Do I believe in free will? Well I have no choice."
"Spanish for wife - ""esposa"" Spanish for handcuffs - ""esposas"" Well played, Spanish"
"What is a ghost's favorite type of porn? Booooookake"
"ME: This house is haunted WIFE [sigh] We've been thru this, that's our son SON: I just have a pale complexion Dad ME: TELL ME YOU HEARD THAT"
"How can you get a set of teeth put in for free? Smack a monster."
"I don't understand how God can have Ten Commandments for the whole world, and my wife can have 152 just for our house."
"Hello, welcome to the evening news, where we're going to scare the shit out of you for 45 minutes, then weather & sports. Stay tuned."
"I'd like to... I'd like to buy a new boomerang please. Also can you tell me how to throw the old one away?"