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Joke of the Day

"Wife: He's your son! Me: So you say! But I don't... *Kid dances across the room to the Benny Hill theme song* Me: ...ok fine he's my son."

"""This is a robbery! Be cool and nobody gets hurt!"" ME: *starts vaping*"

"Josh tells his friend Steve, 'did you know 2 out of every 3 people live next to a paedophile?' Steve replies 'not me, I live next to two smoking hot 10 years olds'"

"*maintains eye contact while checking 'Dating Librarians For Dummies' out from the library."

"My friend Oscar told a joke to Leo Di Caprio. He didn't get it."

"What do you call unborn twins? Wombmates."

"Where does a guru get his sandwiches? New Delhi"

"""All your dreams will come true"", said my fortune cookie And the next day I realized, I went to work naked and couldn't run when I got chased by that monster"

"I like my men like I like my coffee shops. Clean. Smells nice. Free wi-fi."

"So I recently discovered there's a black man in my family tree... he's still hanging there."