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Joke of the Day

"What do a thong and Bernie Sander's crazyman hairstyle have in common? They both barely cover a cunt."

"It only took me 20 minutes to get the Christmas tree up this year. It took doctors 6 hours to get it back out again."

"How do you keep a lawyer from drowning? Shoot him."

"There are no winners in an arm wrestling match, only Nascar fans."

"We should just name hurricanes after politicians. That way we wouldn't have to worry about them actually coming through with anything."

"I wonder if Sallys parents were like ""Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."""

"Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water."

"What's the difference between an art student and a philosophy student? A philosophy student asks you *why* you want fries with that"

"I woke up hungover but couldn't make myself throw up. So I guess I have a lotta shit to deal with today."

"She: ""Give it to me, I'm soo wet! give it to me!"" Me: She can scream all she wants but the umbrella is mine."