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Joke of the Day

"It only took me 20 minutes to get the Christmas tree up this year. It took doctors 6 hours to get it back out again."

"ANYTHING can be considered your job if you hate it enough."

"Darth Vader is not that bad... he is the first black guy to admit he is the father."

"""i before me, excepts after we.."" - gollum in elementary school"

"What's the best thing about dating a black girl? You'd never have to meet the father."

"It would be way cooler if whenever you punched a kid, a bunch of coins came out of them like in Mario. But ya, I'm free to babysit tonight."

"What can you use to fill your butt crack? Ass-fault"

"I was doing well on my diet until I got my period and had to eat four pieces of pizza, a block of cheese, two candy bars, and seven houses."

"i just sighed so hard that i blew out a candle that was 2 feet away from me. tragic."

"The most maddening part of your parents giving you annoying advice is that they're usually right."